3 SECRET TIPS for MAKING HIM HAPPY TO BE WITH YOU
1. Don’t over-give! Men play for points and play to win. What are the points? Making you happy! So be happy, joyful and grateful for whatever he gives you. But please refrain from giving back more than he has given you. I know this is hard! It’s a knee jerk response for most of us. I’ve seen it work so well in my own relationships with the men in my life, whether my brother, friends, or associates. They love to give and make women happy, but they don’t want to ever feel indebted. They do, however, want you to feel indebted to them and grateful. Strange, but true!
2. Let him take the lead. Whether finding a parking space or asking for your hand in marriage, let him take the lead. However, if you want something, you can always ask in a way that helps him see what you want and how to fix it. See tip #1 in the second section, “3 SECRET TIPS to GETTING MEN TO LISTEN TO WHAT YOU WANT and ACT ON IT”
3. Be Yourself! I know we all want to morph to what people want us to be. Women just do that (Another “Strange, but true, and we’re wired that way!) Men love it when we are just ourselves. Doing what we love, and loving ourselves enough to ask for what we want and say what we feel (it’s okay to ask for what you want, just remember the way to ask in order to have him be able to hear you).
3 SECRET TIPS for GETTING MEN TO LISTEN TO YOUR IDEAS
1. Ask his permission to talk about ideas. You see, men think ideas are their “territory’. So, if you want to respect him (what he wants – respect, not love as we know it), you will ask him first, “Is this a good time to talk about an idea I have?” If he says “No”, ask when he might like to hear your idea.
2. Even before you start talking about your idea, let him know you are interested in what he thinks about it (Remember, he’s a spiritual being just as much as you are, and will have some good things to share if you can see him that way). After you’ve told him your idea, repeat that, ‘What do you think about that?” And be sincerely interested! Men know if you are being authentic or not – they can see it! Remember they are very visual, and that means they can see right through you!
3. Get excited about his ideas about your idea! In other words, you have asked him what he thinks. Try to psyche yourself up to be truly interested in his thoughts and then listen carefully and let him know his thoughts are good (even if you don’t readily agree). But very likely, because you’ve given him respect, he will eventually see your point, if it’s at all reasonable.
I love this stuff, so I guess it had to come out in my movies, too!
3 SECRET TIPS for GETTING MEN TO HEAR TO WHAT YOU WANT and ACT ON IT
1. Dr. Patricia Allen is a brilliant therapist and author who teaches women to speak to men in a language they understand. However, this language must be spoken to them by women, not by other men. And the woman only needs to practice this just to see how well it works! Whatever you want, never tell or even ask a man to do it for you. Simply tell him how happy or more comfortable you would be if (the garage were clean, the toilet seat was down, your mother-in-law wasn’t moving in, etc.!) He will figure out a way to make you happy. See Tip #2 below.
2. Have you noticed that men like to fix things? And not just cars. So, if you have a problem, he wants to fix it, right? Also, men just want women to be happy. They say men are visual, and they are, but not in the way you think! Alison Armstrong discovered in her vast research with men that they will move heaven and earth for women who they can make happy by doing so! Therefore, if it makes you happy, and you let him know that (whatever it is) then he will find a way to make it happen. However, you must only tell him that it would make you happy, not how to do it or even if he should do
3. Want to score points with him? – If you appreciate everything he says and does, even more extensively than makes sense to you, he will adore you! How to do that? Say thank you at every opportunity and you cannot say thank you enough to most men (unless they are psychologically damaged and tell you to quit thanking them- oh yes, I’ve been there). Also, find ways to appreciate him that don’t cost money or take a lot of time. But if he gives you a gift, don’t just say thank you. Let him know how you’ll use it and how it will make your life better, easier, etc., and even that you’ll remember him as you use it.
3 SECRET TIPS for GETTING MEN to TALK ABOUT THEIR EMOTIONS
1. The simplest, but the least obvious, is to listen. Alison Armstrong, who has studied men for about thirty years, tells us that if you listen to a man all the way through, without interrupting, waiting till he is completely finished speaking, he will tell you what he’s feeling.
2. It takes men longer to access their emotions, because they are wired completely differently from women. Why? Men are hunters. If you were hunting, as a woman or even a boy before puberty, you would not want to kill a mother deer, would you? How about a cute bunny rabbit? Unlikely, unless you were really and truly starving to death. Men go through a bio-chemical change at puberty that prevents them from accessing emotions as quickly as women. Then they are able to bring home the meat. This is, of course, primal instinct, not how everyone responds. But when it comes to emotion, knowing a man needs time to access them helps you understand his struggle and be more patient with him.
3. Never criticize – accepting his idea or emotion is essential. Telling a man he is wrong is like a man telling a woman she looks fat! Yes, we women have egos too, remember? There are ways to help a man understand how you feel and what you want without ever criticizing or disagreeing with him. Come back in a few days for the next series of tips for the secret!
4. BONUS point! – You can also try asking him what he thinks. Men will often tell you how they feel about something when you ask them what they think. Again, it’s in the wiring.
Many of these ideas came to me as I was writing screenplays that, (who knew?) would become actual films! See below if you’re interested –
Soul Survivors: Dating Angels
Written, directed, and produced by Debbie Johnson: Angels-in-Training, Jack and Tanya, are back! Will they rise above their earthly past and learn to love even more? As the angels give Megan (Molly Ryman) the secret to overcome her loneliness, she in turn helps her best friend, Sharma (Joetta Wright), discover how divine love can heal her marriage. Click here to learn more!